Friday, 19 May 2017

Carlton Tests The Tea

It's Friday- the day Carlton takes over my blog. Views are his own and not necessarily, in fact, rarely, shared by the blog owner.

 
Carlton Tests The Tea

by Carlton Cat

THE Mr brought a nice cup of tea into the sitting-room and settled down to watch something ‘exciting’ on the tellybox. 

His idea of ‘exciting’ means programmes about building ‘megastructures’, watching men drive trucks on ice or people selling things they found in a lock-up storage facility.

Yawn.

He was so engrossed in the tellybox he neglected his cup of tea. As you know, British hoomans are very fussy about their tea. And, you know me, I always strive to be as helpful as possible so I put my paw into it to test the temperature.

My advice to cats: Don't drink tea, it's horrible.


I swished my paw about a bit, licked it off (I can report tea is vile) and put it back in to make sure the beverage was still pleasantly warm. The Mr spotted what I was doing. Was he grateful? He was not.

‘For goodness sake, Carlton. That is DISGUSTING!’ he yelled and marched out to the kitchen to throw it away.

There's no pleasing some people.


*Take a look at The Best Cat Products In The World. You'll love them!

Here's a nice mug for your tea:



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Tuesday, 16 May 2017

Molly the Pet Detective





MEET Molly, the world's first dog trained to find cats. The UK firm, Pet Detectives, searches for missing animals and now Molly has joined the team.

Colin Butcher, of Pet Detectives, said they had been looking for an intelligent dog with a good temperament and, most importantly, didn't chase cats. The dog also needed to be fairly small so they could get into small spaces.

"I worked in the police as a detective inspector for many years, and had seen dogs search for drugs and bombs and help with murder investigations. I figured, if a dog can be trained to find amphetamines, then it can be trained to find cats," said Colin.

Molly, an 18-month-old black-haired cocker spaniel, was found on Gumtree, a UK classified advertisement site. And she was free as her owner couldn't cope with her. If cocker spaniels are not stimulated they become uncontrollable and Molly had three owners in under two years.

Colin said: "At first, Molly was anxious. But she had intelligent eyes and was a problem-solver. She was also hyper and fixated on catching tennis balls. She had the right temperament: a bright working dog from a breed with a natural disposition to search for game. We just had to channel that instinct into finding cats.

"She had to be 'cat-tested', so we took her to a farm with a dozen cats to see if she would chase them. She didn’t even bark. Her focus was on interacting with her handler."

Nine months later Molly was out on assignments. She is trained to pick up cats’ scents from their bedding. When she finds the missing cat, she lies down to signal success, so as not to scare them, but you can see her trembling with excitement. She gets rewarded with her favourite food, black pudding (a type of sausage).

Now Molly has become a bit of a media star and was interviewed on ITV's This Morning Show.








*Take a look at The Best Cat Products In The World. You'll love them!

This cat poster says it all. Get it here.


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Friday, 12 May 2017

Carlton Gets The Blame


It's Friday- the day Carlton takes over my blog. Views are his own and not necessarily, in fact, rarely, shared by the blog owner.

 
Carlton Gets The Blame

by Carlton Cat

THERE'S a packet of prawns missing from the table. And guess who’s getting the blame as per usual? The Mrs is ranting on and the Mr is saying she shouldn’t have left them out and now he’s getting an earful.

‘We can’t trust you for ONE MINUTE, can we, Carlton?’ she says while staring down at me with her hands on her hips.

Not my problem you have trust issues.

‘I needed those prawns for tea now what are we going to do?’

Get a takeaway?

‘If you’ve eaten them all you’ll BURST, then what will you do?’

Well, not much.

The Mr takes one of my meaty pouches from the cupboard.

‘PUT THAT BACK! Don’t feed the little devil, he must be stuffed to the gills. The Mr returns the pouch to its box.

‘Sorry, boy,’ he whispers.

That’s OK, I’ve already had my tea.


*licks lips.

Yum, prawny.

See, Mr and Mrs, some cats get big plates of prawns for their tea.
I'm lucky if I get ONE thrown in my direction.




*Take a look at The Best Cat Products In The World. You'll love them!

Here's a colourful cat figurine that's believed to bring good luck and wealth. Take a look here.



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Friday, 5 May 2017

Carlton Doesn't Get The Joke


It's Friday- the day Carlton takes over my blog. Views are his own and not necessarily, in fact, rarely, shared by the blog owner.

 
Carlton Is Banished

by Carlton Cat


THIS evening the Mr said to me: ‘Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool, Carlton?’

I was worried. I hoped that poor cat was OK. Swallowing a small piece of wool could be dangerous, but a whole ball? I feared for her. The Mr didn’t looked worried at all. In fact he was laughing.

‘She had mittens!’

 ‘Your jokes are pathetic,’ said the Mrs.




Joke? No joke to the poor cat who swallowed the wool. I’m glad there was a positive outcome, what with the wool turning into mittens. But it could all have ended tragically.

So, Mr, I think that laughter was completely inappropriate, don’t you?


*Visit The Best Cat Products In The World for a range of feline items and gifts.

Take a look at this lovely bag here.

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Friday, 28 April 2017

Carlton Is Banished

It's Friday- the day Carlton takes over my blog. Views are his own and not necessarily, in fact, rarely, shared by the blog owner.

 
Carlton Is Banished

by Carlton Cat


I AM persona non grata yet again, just because humans are not clever enough to learn cat language.

Unfortunately, evolution has not arranged it so we cats have moveable mouth parts and a suitable larynx to talk to humans so we have found other ways to let humans know what we want.

Some of these ways, I concede, humans can find annoying but what's a cat to do? The methods include persistent meowing, throwing up and pressing our heads into faces.

Today I employed the tactic of weaving in and out of human legs to draw attention to the fact that my food bowl was empty. The Mr now has a bruise the size of China on his rear end after falling on his arse and I have been banished to the utility room.

Unfair. It’s not my fault you humans have only two legs and are not as stable as we quadrupeds.

The television in here is really boring.




*Take a look at The Best Cat Products In The World. You'll love them.

You can build this pyramid. Yes, you can!

Instructions are in Cat Castles. Get it here.

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Friday, 21 April 2017

Carlton Oversees The Shopping


It's Friday- the day Carlton takes over my blog. Views are his own and not necessarily, in fact, rarely, shared by the blog owner.

 
Carlton Oversees The Shopping

by Carlton Cat

THE Mr and Mrs have done their big weekly shop. I didn’t know a famine of epic proportions was imminent. We seem to have enough food for a small town with enough left over for a village.

I watched as they packed everything away. ‘Thank God that’s done,’ said the Mrs as she flopped down on to a chair. The Mr put the kettle on. ‘Time for a nice cup of tea,’ he said.

But I had been watching as they stuffed item after item into groaning cupboards but hadn’t spotted any meaty chunks, salmon pate or rabbit in jelly. I jumped onto the table and into the last bag.

Nothing.

WHAT! No meaty chunks? (That's not me in that picture, by the way; I am much more handsome.)
I emerged and gave an angry meow. The Mr and Mrs looked at each other, shouted, ‘We’ve forgotten the cat food,’ simultaneously, pulled on their coats and made a dash for the door.

This was an hour ago and now I’m sitting here, tail swishing, waiting for the scatterbrained pair to return.

I am not best pleased.

Here's a lovely reusable shopping bag. Buy it HERE



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Tuesday, 18 April 2017

Carlton Breaks A Vase


It's Friday- the day Carlton takes over my blog. Views are his own and not necessarily, in fact, rarely, shared by the blog owner.

 
Carlton Breaks A Vase

by Carlton Cat

IT may not have escaped your notice that words above are a LIE. It is not Friday, it is Tuesday. The Mr and Mrs deserted me for a whole three days and I had to suffer the indignity of being looked after by some know-nothing niece who doesn't even  grasp the basic principles of ear-rubbing. 

I know. Shocking.

To add insult to injury, the pair of them are now at work and I am left to my own devices with my unrubbed tummy and no legs to stretch out on.

To keep myself amused I chased a spider along a shelf and accidentally knocked off the Mrs's best vase. My bad.


When she came home she put on that ‘I’m so disappointed in you’ face. You know, the one that makes her look like she’s chewing on a lemon - all pursed lips and scrunched up eyes. But I sat in front of her, looking cute as only I can, and reached out to touch her leg with my paw.

She melted, of course, picked me up and said for the umpteenth time: ‘What am I going to do with you Carlton?’

You’d think she’d know by now. GIVE ME PRAWNS.
 





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Friday, 7 April 2017

Carlton Struggles To Understand Humans



It's Friday- the day Carlton takes over my blog. Views are his own and not necessarily, in fact, rarely, shared by the blog owner.

 
Carlton Struggles To Understand Humans

by Carlton Cat

I FEAR I do not sufficiently understand the human race. In an effort to get into the head of the Mrs. I sat on her chest while she was asleep in bed and stared. She awoke and pushed me off. 

When she fell back asleep I sat on her chest again and resumed my staring. This happened five or six times until the alarm went off.

‘I’ve hardly slept a wink,’ she told the Mr. ‘That cat’s been creeping me out.’ 


‘The staring?’ he asked. She nodded.

‘I know,’ he replied. ‘Sometimes he’s like a character out of Nightmare On Elm Street.’

Nightmare On Elm Street? I don't remember seeing a handsome ginger cat in that. I thought I was more like the cat in the old Disney film The Three Lives of Thomasina, based on the Paul Gallico book Thomasina: The Cat Who Thought She Was God. 

Oh, that's a good idea for a film. Carlton: The Cat Who WAS a God. 

Take note, Disney.




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