Friday, 2 December 2016

Carlton Sings

It's Friday - the day Carlton takes over my blog. Views are his own and not necessarily, in fact, rarely, shared by the blog owner. Today he poses an existential question...

 
Carlton Sings

by Carlton Cat



AFTER a busy day the Mr and Mrs opted for an early night. I crept in about half an hour later and they were both fast asleep. I thought I’d help to give them sweet dreams so I settled down between them and started to sing a lullaby. Were they grateful? No, they were not. They awoke.

‘For goodness sake, Carlton,’ the man said sleepily. ‘Why all the racket?’

The Mrs sat up in alarm and switched on the light. ‘Whassup?’ she shouted, like some bad-tempered teenager.

Why are they trying to silence me? I am the Frank Sinatra of cats.

 ‘It’s only Carlton,’ said the Mr. ‘He’s having a funny five minutes.’ He began to stroke me and said, ‘Settle down, boy. Time to sleep.’

The Mrs switched out the light and sighed deeply. ‘That cat is absolutely nuts,’ she said.

Charming.


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Friday, 25 November 2016

Carlton Gets The Brush-Off

It's Friday - the day Carlton takes over my blog. Views are his own and not necessarily, in fact, rarely, shared by the blog owner. Today he poses an existential question...

 
Carlton Gets The Brush-Off

by Carlton Cat


THIS evening I sat with the Mr and Mrs as they watched a documentary about The Middle Ages.

There was a segment about medieval instruments of torture - all pretty gruesome stuff with racks, screws, pokers and spikes all featuring prominently. I shut my eyes - I am a cat of delicate sensibilities and didn't want to see those things.

I wished I could have shut my ears to the screaming -not screams from people  being tortured but the screams of the Mrs.

She’s got a nerve, pretending to be so squeamish. Only last week she was torturing me with the cat brush trying to get burrs out of my coat after I had crawled through a patch of goose grass while stalking a mouse. Torture. Those medieval men were all amateurs compared to her.





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Friday, 18 November 2016

Is the Bowl Seven-Eighths Full or One-Eighth Empty?


It's Friday - the day Carlton takes over my blog. Views are his own and not necessarily, in fact, rarely, shared by the blog owner. Today he poses an existential question...

 
Is the Bowl Seven-Eighths Full or One-Eighth Empty?

by Carlton Cat



I heard the sound of doors being opened and sachets being ripped open. Yippee, I thought, tea time!

I ran into the kitchen and slid to a halt beside my bowl.

Umph. The bowl was only seven-eighths full. The Mrs was closing the cupboard door. I meowed loudly and looked at my bowl. My eyes said: ‘I’m eating nothing until you have filled my bowl to the top.’

The Mrs stared back. I stared at her. I looked at my bowl again. She shook her head. I sat on my haunches and looked accusingly up at her. I meowed loudly again. She continued shaking her head. I meowed louder.

Then she said: ‘Oh for goodness sake, Carlton,’ and retrieved another sachet of food.
FINALLY...



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Thursday, 17 November 2016

How The Saddest Cat in the World Became the Happiest Cat in the World


YOU may have seen the stories about BenBen, dubbed The Saddest Cat in the World. What this story tells me is that when it comes to adopting rescue cats, it's not about finding the perfect animal but being the perfect owner.

For those of you unfamiliar with the tale, BenBen (full name Benjamin Button) was taken into a Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (SPCA) animal shelter as a stray. He had deep cuts, a crushed spine and a califlower ear, probably after being attacked by a wild animal.

A family adopted him but soon returned him because of his serious medical condition. According to the vets, BenBen wouldn't eat, drink or move, and would never walk again.  He was labelled 'unadoptable' and was scheduled to be euthanised.

But one woman, who works for a vet clinic, saw him on the charity's website and wanted to take him home and care for him. She and her partner managed to get all the paperwork sorted the day before he was due to be put down.


Since moving to his new home, BenBen has responded to their loving care and has made a remarkable recovery.




Having cuddles with his new owner.
The couple said: "He was pretty 'unalive' from the shelter to our place. But when we brought him home we put him in a cat-bed in the bathroom and sat with him for about an hour.

"I think he started to feel safe pretty quick because we were greeted with purrs and cuddles and so much affection. It only took about an hour before he wanted to start exploring his new surroundings. I think at that point he knew he was safe. He knew THIS was his forever home.

"Now he's walking - even running and jumping small distances - and thriving."

He's started to play, despite his disabilities
According to his owners, because of BenBen's spinal injuries he can barely turn his head to groom the back half of himself.

"When he tries to turn around and look at you he has to turn his whole body. He has perma-sad, but beautiful green eyes. When he climbs stairs he has this weird bunny hop he uses to get up. And his walk looks like he almost can't bend the knees and elbows. And his personality is so unique. I can't really describe him.

"He's doing so well! No one who knew him before can believe he's turned out so awesome."

Look at him now! The happiest cat in the world!


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Friday, 11 November 2016

Carlton Does The Housework


It's Friday - the day Carlton takes over my blog. Views are his own and not necessarily, in fact, rarely, shared by the blog owner.

 
Carlton Does the Housework

by Carlton Cat




I have decided against leaving home (see my Monday post). I am giving the Mr and Mrs a second chance because I am such a kind and sensitive cat...and because I fell asleep and didn't wake up until it was dark and really couldn't be bothered.

Just to show I have really forgiven them, I have been helping with the housework today.

I started in the sitting-room. I had a quick swish round with my paws, cleaning dust off the shelves - plus books, two ornaments and a stack of DVDs.

Then there was a tidy round in the kitchen. I cleared off the counters. That was easy although I must admit the pile of broken crockery on the floor looks a tad untidy. Still, there's plenty of worktop space now.

Into the bedroom and I thought I'd iron out the duvet by using the heat of my body. Yes, I lay on it and it was soft, so so soft....zzzzz.

I was awoken a few hours later by the Mrs shouting crossly, "What have  you done, Carlton!"

I thought they’d be pleased.

Nope.







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Monday, 7 November 2016

I'm Leaving Home, Bye-Bye

It's supposed to be Friday- the day Carlton takes over my blog, but it is Monday and he is three days late with his post. Not his fault, as no doubt he will tell you in his own inimitable style. Views are his own and not necessarily, in fact, rarely, shared by the blog owner.

 
I'm Leaving Home, Bye-Bye

by Carlton Cat



IS it Friday, Mr and Mrs? Is it? NO, IT IS NOT. It's Monday and I am three days late with my post. The traitorous pair were off gallivanting for the weekend leaving me home, nearly alone, for THREE WHOLE DAYS. The laptop was firmly closed and I couldn't open it. I know I am uber intelligent but I do not have opposable thumbs. Not yet, anyway - I'm working on it.

I have made up my mind up to leave home. What brought this on? It wasn't only that you my loyal fans, were deprived of my erudite, witty and apposite post but because the Mr and Mrs overslept this morning.

Nothing to do with me running around the bedroom, bringing in a dead mouse, knocking items one by one off the dressing-table in the middle of the night, I'm sure, but because they were so tired from GALLIVANTING for three days.

Suitcase inspection.
 Then in their rush to get to work on time they grabbed cat food from the cupboard of a brand that I had previously rejected. I cannot tolerate such treatment. I shall leave later after I have nibbled just enough of the vile concoction to save me from death by starvation. I shall need my strength later to find a new home with people who appreciate my high standards and who will not abandon me to the clutches of cruel cat-sitters who don't even know the bedroom door must be kept open at all times and or even how to rub my ears to optimum effect.

Goodbye, cruel people. I am off to pastures new.

After I have had more of vile concoction.

After I have had a snooze.

After I have chased birds in the garden.

After I have played with Fluffy Bum.

.....I might leave it until tomorrow now.



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Friday, 21 October 2016

Carlton Becomes a Poet

It's Friday - the day Carlton takes over my blog. Views are his own and not necessarily, in fact, rarely, shared by the blog owner.

 
Carlton Becomes a Poet

by Carlton Cat



The Mr and Mrs are both at work today. I have a bit of time on my paws so I have decided to become a poet. Here’s my first attempt:





Ode To A Salmon

'Twas nice of you to swim about
In seas and up the river
But now you’re sitting in a dish
About to be my dinner.


Brilliant, huh? I expect my work will soon be studied in schools and appearing on those Most Popular Poems lists. I'm going to write another poem soon but I am an ARTISTE so I have to wait until the Muse visits me. I have a few things running around in my head. Does anyone know a word that rhymes with pandemonium?

Anyway, writing about salmon has made me hungry. Off now to investigate my food bowl. Then I shall take myself off to a soft duvet where I can contemplate the universe. (UniVERSE - get it!? I frighten myself with my brilliance sometimes.)




I haven't quite got the knack of using chopsticks like this cat, but I'm working on it.



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Thursday, 20 October 2016

How To Help A Stray Cat


 I HAVE a frequent visitor to my garden - a friendly little cat who will sometimes stay all day. If I leave the back door open, he strolls in and eats my cat Toffee's food. Toffee is not too pleased with this interloper when he's in the house but tolerates him if he's in the garden.

I was worried he might be a stray but before taking him to the vet to see if he was chipped, I put his picture on my personal Facebook page. Lo and behold, someone who lives a street away contacted me to say it was his daughter's cat Jasper who "likes to wander". So I no longer allow him in the house as he is so obviously well cared for elsewhere.

But it got me thinking about what to do if he had been a stray or feral cat.  First off, here's a video for those who want to keep the neighbourhood cats warm at night. Below there is advice from the RSPCA about stray cats.





Here's some advice from the RSPCA if you are visited by a stray cat.  If you have concerns about a sick or injured stray cat you can report it to an animal welfare organisation (like the RSPCA in the UK or ASPCA in the US). .

How To Help A Stray Cat

1. Is it a stray or a feral cat? 

If the cat is not friendly and approachable, it may be a feral. These cats are able to look after themselves. So long as a feral cat is healthy, they will live happily outside. We support the trapping and neutering of feral cats where local charities have the capacity to do so.

If the cat is approachable and friendly it may be a stray cat that belongs to someone.



2. Finding the owner of a stray

If a stray cat is not feral the best thing to do is try and find its owner: To find out if the cat has an owner follow these steps: 

  1. Cats roam over a wide area, so ask around to see if anyone knows who it belongs to.
  2. If you can safely transport the cat to a vet, you could have it scanned for a microchip.
  3. If this isn’t possible but you can get close enough to put a collar on it, then download our Paper cat collars [PDF 36.5KB]. Take precautions when approaching the cat and fixing the collar. 
  4. You can also download and print a Found poster [PDF 10.7KB] and Lost and found contact list [PDF 20KB].
  5. We also recommend you visit Pets Located, an online resource that reunites owners with their pets.

      Best Cat Products In The World 

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Friday, 14 October 2016

Feeling Tired

It's Friday - the day Carlton takes over my blog. Views are his own and not necessarily, in fact, rarely, shared by the blog owner.

 
Feeling Tired

by Carlton Cat

I AM writing to you early today as I might not have time later.

I’ve eaten breakfast, removed the butter from the Mr and Mrs’s toast, had my morning constitutional in the garden, swiped at a low-flying bird and licked all my important little places.

I have played with Mr Fluffy Bum.

Mr Fluffy Bum


I have circled the big cushion on the sofa, making a nice big round depression.

Now I'm exhausted. Sleep. Need to sleep. Just a short 18-hour nap should do it.




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Friday, 7 October 2016

Carlton Comes Clean


It's Friday - the day Carlton takes over my blog. Views are his own and not necessarily, in fact, rarely, shared by the blog owner.

 
Carlton Comes Clean

by Carlton Cat

THE Mr and Mrs have a new vacuum cleaner.  It’s a state-of-the-art bagless upright with a quiet motor. The last one made enough noise to wake the dead and invariably sent me running out into the garden as if pursued by the hounds of hell.

It was a monstrous machine so, obviously, I treated it as a monster. And attacked it. It fell open and I leapt on its internal organs. Did you know that monsters’ stomachs are full of dust and fluff? It went everywhere, all over the sitting-room floor, covering the furniture, books, ornaments and me. I sneezed so much I threw up.

While trying to escape the monster’s clutches I pulled the lead and the monster flew across the room and ended up wedged under the sofa.


Not all cats hate vacuum cleaners

The Mr and Mrs took one look at the chaos, laughed at me covered in fluff (they often laugh inappropriately at my predicaments) and decided Monstrous Machine had had its day. They cleaned it up to give it away to the Mr’s niece, a student, who is moving into a (catless) apartment.

The Mrs tried out the new machine. It glided effortlessly across the room, picking up everything in its path. Until… Stop! Stop! That’s my toy! Give it back, you monster!

The Mrs switched off the machine, pulled Fluffy Bum from its jaws and threw it my direction.

‘You’re going to have to be careful about where you leave your toys from now on,’ she says.

Really...? I fear new vacuum cleaner’s days are numbered.


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